With wedding season upon us again I find it hard not to get giddy about this year’s selection of fine mass-produced wines. Sometimes I just close my eyes halfway through a sentence and imagine myself clutching the fine plastic bladder of Franzia while on the set of “My Big Fat Hairy Portuguese Wedding”. But selecting the right box of wine is hardly an easy choice. On one hand, you have the tradition of Franzia fine boxed wine. Their fresh, delicious nectar is forged with heartfelt commitment to tradition. This keystone of human vintage development is laden with the “true to the varietal” flavor without the overpowering flavor of oak. Besides, the handy sack-o-wine is perfect for clutching as if it was baby Jesus himself during the reception at a wedding. As if this was not already orgasmic enough, Carlo Rossi offers my personal favorite, a 5 L jug of Vin Rose. To me, it means light, crisp and fruity… That’s what she said! It is perfect for summer nights on the patio enjoying the ululating of a dozen pygmy mariachis or Greek yogurt. Even Fried squid, if you’re into that sort of thing. Unfortunately, I cannot commit to passing judgment for one mass-produced wine over the other. Price-Rite, why can’t you start your own vineyard?
UPDATE!!! Sign the PETITION
